Dress code

You know you're in the country when they have to specify "no denim" for a ball.

Fonts

At least my allocated password only contains one l. Or 1. Or something.

Lawns

The lawns at my new place are quite expansive and seem to grow unnaturally fast. At first I bought a push mower to keep them under control, and spent 12 joyless hours one day cutting my cursed grass.

Even then I didn't finish, running aground on an ancient artefact kindly left by the previous owner.

I have since learned that a ride-on mower is a worthy investment.

Soda

Omigod puppies are adorable! This is my new addition Soda, who like most puppies, divides her time between running around like a mad thing and sleeping. And without fail, drains about 50 IQ points from anyone who sees her.

Update

Time for an update so any possible future posts will have some context...

I'm now living the dream, working 9-5 as a GP registrar at the same practice where it all started with my third-year placement. I still have my little dog Sprite, who is soon to be joined by a new puppy - Soda.

I actually bought a house with some land, with hopes of bringing my horses down here with me ... this is on hold for now because I accidentally broke my arm while pulling out the old fences. Ugh. One more month in plaster.

Exactly

"Do you know where you are?" - nurse to patient
"I know EXACTLY where I am" - indignant patient
"Where are you?"
"Well I don't know exactly ... "

Alvesco

Morning doctor: "What can you tell me about Alvesco?"
Me: "sounds very familiar, is he on the cardiac ward?"
Morning doctor: "Alvesco is a medication"

Haunted

Nurse, "room 405 is haunted ... ... that's your office"
Me, "my office is 404"
Nurse, "that's what I meant"

I totally laughed her off, but I'm keeping the lights on.

Dreams

I had to wake up a sweet old lady for her blood test this morning. It's pretty much the worst, waking someone up to jab them with a needle.

She was especially upset though, because in her dream a gorgeous man was just abut to jump into bed with her.

I left her with a passing comment that I'd let her get back to her gorgeous man. She just gave me a withering look and said "dreams don't work that way, dear".

Muffins

This is an actual page I got in the wee hours of this morning ...

"Hello Dr, I'm calling from the cardiac ward. We have a couple of jobs waiting for you but more importantly we have muffins. Some are chocolate with choc chips, and some are just choc chip. Whenever you're ready."

Best ever!

Night shift

I started another term of medical nights this week. For the next three months I will work seven 12 1/2 hour night shifts in a row, followed by seven days off.

I've done it before over winter, and chose to do it again because of the valuable experience you can only get on nights. Haha ... actually the pay is really good and I like having every second week off.

I used to think the first night was always the hardest, but I've just remembered otherwise. It's the night after your first proper daytime sleep. I'm struggling right now!

Delete

It turns out you can accidentally delete a patient's file from the emergency department simply by leaning your elbows on the keyboard.

As far as we can tell, there is no actual key sequence that does this - you have to use your elbows. I am not the only one to have done this, by the way.

Aggressive-aggressive notes

Got that?

Pagers

I do wonder how many times this happened before they made a sign ...

Short calls

Asked to see patient: needs pain relief

Patient admitted with shortness of breath, treated for exacerbation of COPD.

Currently denies any pain.

Patient states he is thirsty - "all I want is a drink of water".

Plan: patient may drink water

Signed, Dr S (medical RMO)

Grumpy RMO

Night shifts make me grumpy.

I have updated our handover board accordingly.

Holistic

Tonight on night shift I refused to give two people Temazepam, and prescribed a heat pack as an adjunct to somebody's pain relief.

Oh God.

I'm becoming some kind of hippie.

Simplify

Speak slowly, use small words.

Preferably diagrams.

Happy Workday

I'm in the middle of a three-month term of medical nights. Seven 12-hour night shifts in a row, followed by a week off. Rinse, re-adjust body clock and repeat. It's not so bad.

But today is my birthday. At midnight I had a celebratory cupcake (thanks to my little sister) and the nurses all said happy birthday. And after I've slept the day away today, I'll come back for another 12 hour shift and it will still be my birthday. The prospect of working twice on my birthday does not excite me.

There had better be more cake.

Sputum

I hate sputum. It is definitely in my top 5 least favourite bodily fluids. Somehow though, patients are especially proud of their sputum. They will endeavour to produce a sample right in front of you, showing it off like a new baby. They will dig through their rubbish bag to find you a particularly interesting sample from last night.

I even had a patient who apparently collected it at home. "I fill up *that* much of a coffee can in a week", he told me.

That's a lot of commitment to sputum.