Wednesday, January 30, 2013


I really wanted it to be "concert", but no ... it's just a bunch of consent forms.

Monday, January 28, 2013

New Stethoscope

I've had my trademark pink stethoscope since my first week of medical school, when my Mum took me shopping for supplies. I've carried it through clinical skills tutorials, ward placements, OSCEs and overseas electives, and it had seen me through the first half of intern year.

Still, with a rotation in general medicine approaching, I felt that the old pink Spirit Classic wasn't going to cut it anymore.

Choosing a replacement was not easy ... I needed a quality steth, without compromising and choosing a boring colour.

My solution, the Spirit Cardiology, has been great - and comes in bright pink. It works, too - my supervising physician was impressed with my ability to hear and differentiate murmurs.

Still, if he ever found himself in need of a stethoscope, he would hastily bypass mine in favour of a lesser model from a student or worse, the obs trolley.

Pink is not for everyone.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Moving Vehicles

No I don't regret buying a sports car before moving house, why do you ask? 

Friday, January 25, 2013

Moving Lies

I recently moved 500 km to start a new job, which of course involved completely moving out of my old house and cleaning it for inspection. I hate moving. Hate, hate, hate it. I also tell myself a lot of lies in the process. For example:

"This will all fit in my car"

"The pet hair will vacuum out"

"The next tenant will appreciate this half box of cocoa and leftover olive oil"

"I won't need this until I reach my new house"

"I'll remember which box this is in"

"I'm glad I didn't waste my money on a professional cleaner"

"It was like that when I moved in"

Thursday, January 24, 2013


My sister and I have made the dubious decision to share a house this year. We get along pretty well, for sisters, but of course we argue from time to time.

 We're going to try very hard not to fight too much this year. It's going to be difficult, and we both know it ... communication will be important.

Lucky we found a house with a blackboard!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Adverse reaction

I really value the "allergies" section of a patient's records. Patients often aren't sure what adverse reactions they've had, or to what medications, so it's nice to have an official record. A record that's accurate, and professional, and ... Wait. Bunged up eyes?

Monday, January 21, 2013


Almost forgot the "D"! That would have been embarrassing.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Dog breath

Sprite has the worst dog-breath of any dog on this planet. I took her to the vet this week and after establishing that removing teeth wasn't going to fix the problem, he started offering me a number of interesting and expensive cures (algae-extract food supplements for dog-breath? Beef flavoured dog-toothpaste?). After struggling to scientifically account for most of them, he eventually gave me a free sample of some special dental dry food which will scrape tartar off the teeth with brute force.

He warned me to introduce it slowly, mixing it in with her other dry food. Dogs can get suspicious of new food ... apparently. Ever since I introduced these dental dog nuts, Sprite won't eat anything else.

Maybe she knows about her dog-breath.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


"I went to the naturopath who said I'm gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant, anaemic and I've got parasites in my digestive system. He said the blood tests were very expensive so I thought you could do them".

Me: "Well you had a blood test last week and your haemoglobin was 141, so you're definitely not anaemic"

"Ok, well what about the gene test for Coeliac?"

Me: "We don't usually do a gene test for Coeliac's disease, but the antibody tests you had last year were all negative, and your symptoms are not typical, so you probably don't have it"

"What blood test do you do to test for intestinal parasites? The naturopath said he could do a blood test for $300 to tell me which parasites I have"

"No he can't. But here's a stool pot - scoop up some poo using this scoopy bit and we'll sent it off to check for parasites"

"I'm taking these two very expensive vials of magical natural goodness, will they affect the tests?"

"Shouldn't do, see you in a few weeks"

"Oh, can you bulk bill me for today? I already spent several hundred dollars at the naturopath"

WHY??? Why is the naturopath worth paying but the doctor is not? This guy just told you a whole bunch of lies, charged you an extortionate amount for the privelage of being told you're allergic to bread, and now I have to clean up the mess.

I'm not doing it for free.

Saturday, January 5, 2013


He had been calling out "errrrrh" all day, every day since admission.

Today he needed blood taken.

"Errrrrh, errrrrh" as the nurse held his arm and I tightened the torniquet.

Then, as I poked him with the needle, "F-cking awful bastards!"